Saturday, November 28, 2009

Postcard From the Shortbus

Just dropping a line to say I am missing my home away from home.

When I first get up in the morning, somewhere between scratching my ears and my first cup of coffee I have approximately five idea that feel urgent to write down. Since coffee is manna from the tit of god, none of these ideas get written. Luckily the ideas are all uniformly stupid anyway.

Once I’ve mainlined some oily African goodness, my brain becomes a holding pen for several retarded ferrets (note to self; do not complain about the ferrets. Ferrets good. Gerbils bad. Keep it straight).

For the rest of the day, I wrestle between all the essential things I need to do, like scratching my ears some more, and the termite-like onslaught of ideas in my head, all jockeying and lobbying for position in my frontal lobe. Luckily they are pretty much uniformly stupid and I rarely manage to write any of them down.

The fact remains that I am an ape, and we apes revel in stupidity. When I don’t get to write down my little peach-pit gems of the mind, I start to get crusty, and then I don’t groom well with the other apes.

Anyway, I am in ape school, learning day-by-day to be a better ape, and it’s that busy time of the year when we are all jumping up and down on our desks, swinging chairs in the air, flinging feces at anyone who comes near and generally doing anything else we can think of to get good grades.

So, in a perfect world, I won’t have any time for stylin’ cave paintings over the next couple of weeks. If I unleash my inner gibbon, you know it means I am slacking off.

Never fear though, after the tempest comes the calm (and the feverish dreams harvested from over-feasting) and I will again regale with my most important thoughts about unimportant things and my most unimportant thoughts about important things.

‘til then, when in doubt, grin fiendishly.